OK, Bennys, true confession, I’m one of you. Born and raised in NYC, I finished growing up in Morris County and learned to drive in Jersey. Honed my driving skills on Route 80, 10, 46 and 287. I drive the Pulaski Skyway daily.
Currently, part of my commute involves the Garden State Parkway, not as far south as I used to commute, but enough to mix it up with beach bound day trippers headed to the Jersey Shore on summer weekdays.
To the drivers I used to share the road with in South Jersey, I apologize on behalf of my fellow bennys. I live in Jersey City, so I guess that makes me a Super Benny. So let me talk to youse bennys in a way you understand- stop driving like a stunad in the summer. What’s a stunard? This guy in the video will explain it.
“Bennys” is the not-so flattering term that year-round shore residents use to describe the clueless tourist from North Jersey and New York who come to the beaches. It supposedly got its origin from the shorthand used by railroad baggage handlers to sort luggage on trains to the shore. Benny stands for Bayonne-Elizabeth-Newark-New York. (Jersey City was the end of the line.)
Once you cross the Hudson or the Hackensack or Raritan rivers, clean up your driving act when you hit the Parkway, to and from the shore, the Turnpike to Great Adventure or I-80 to the Poconos.
Just to be sure I’m not being a super highway snowflake, I asked drivers in the Route 80 Rant commute in New Jersey Facebook group for their top summer driving peeves. And we concur on many of them.
The top offender, by far, is what drivers describe as the left lane bandit, a driver who camps in the fast lane, traveling at the speed limit or going slower than the rest of traffic — even if there is a line of honking, headlight-flashing cars behind them.
Seriously, how many times do drivers have to be reminded that left lane is the passing lane or as we like to call it: the fast lane.
I know, I know, there will be people who retort “I’m doing the speed limit and they’re speeding, they’re the bad guys." Not quite. The biggest reminder of that is a giant “Keep right except to Pass” sign hanging over the Garden State Parkway in southern Monmouth County. It should be in neon lights with flashing pink LEDs around the edges.
It means, you can pass a slower vehicle, and then get out of the way, especially if another vehicle is coming up behind you. It’s the law and police can write you a failure to keep to the right ticket. And yeah, I’m talking to you, New York drivers. If you want a taste of Jersey attitude, you stay in the left lane and see what you get.
Let me also address the driver who thinks they’re doing the police a favor by loafing in the left lane under the misguided idea they’re enforcing the speed limit. As a veteran police chief said to me about that – leave it to the professionals.
“You’re not the police,” were his exact words.
Really this applies to anyone driving on vacation or taking a day trip on a workday. You may be on vacation, but the rest of the world is not. We have some place to be (work) and we do not appreciate you driving like a retiree.
“How about not waiting until rush hour to be on the road?” wrote one woman. “I love trying to get home from work and they set out on their vacation.”
Several people mentioned the other variation, the person who seems too afraid to drive on a fast-moving highway. If the highway scares you that much, there are trains and buses.
Know what a Jersey brake check is? Drive an inch off our back bumper and you’ll find out the hard way.
The opposite of the left lane bandit is a driver that is going so fast, you can’t see their headlights or grill. These are the people that rocket up behind you, before you have time to hit the turn signal to move over. The horn honking and headlight flashing doesn’t help, and that may inspire a single-fingered Parkway salute and brake check in response.
That also goes for the guys on crotch rockets – the frighteningly fast motorcycles that are being driven like they’re auditioning for the next Star Wars space battle scene. When you’re weaving in and out of traffic and between cars, the first thought that comes to my mind is one wrong move and it’s squish. Don’t be squish.
It’s one thing to be tailgated, honked at and cut off by out-of-towners. The insult to injury is when they throw their trash out the car window. Some drivers mentioned this among the behaviors that twist their dials.
“Throwing their garbage out of their windows on the Parkway,” was one woman’s top complaint.
Until they totally ban plastic bags, carry a spare Duane-Reade bag, stuff the trash in it and put it in a litter basket when you stop at the Shake Shack on the Parkway.
Readers brought up several varieties of this lane cutter and each inspires the two-minute hate.
“People on the Parkway stopping traffic to get over to the exit only lane...that they had about a mile to do. Even if it’s backed up. Wait your ******* turn like the rest of us!!” wrote another woman.
Can you feel the love for the lane cutter?
This driver is too clueless to realize they’re about to rocket past their exit or they believe they’re too important to wait in a line of traffic. Cutting across two to three lanes to make that exit may work in The Fast and The Furious, but in Jersey, you will get the fury. Go to the next exit and make a U-turn like an adult.
The other warning is that a typical Jersey driver won’t let you cut in front of them without a fight. In the most extreme form, I’ve seen collisions result from this behavior on the Parkway and the Pulaski Skyway. We all hate traffic. Wait in line like mom taught you.
There are the behaviors that seem to be germane to drivers, based on what state they’re from. New York City drivers seem clueless when driving on the highway. I think that is a corollary to Jersey drivers being clueless in Manhattan.
The exception to this is drivers from the outer boroughs who are using the Long Island highways get it. But strictly urban drivers seem to hit a speed limit of 50 mph, which of course they do in the left lane. In front of you. Another warning is the driver in a Zip Car. It’s a red flag that screams “Look out, I haven’t driven since my 2018 vacation.”
“On 80 west heading out to the Poconos ... many NY commuters ride the left lane without ever moving. Backs up traffic terribly especially going up hills,” one man wrote on Facebook.
Other drivers complained that Pennsylvania drivers do the same thing. I’m going to say that depends on what part of the Keystone state they come from.
“PA drivers having zero concept of how to drive in Jersey (WAY too slow), NY drivers parking themselves in the left lane actually going the speed limit. The nerve!” a woman wrote on the Route 80 group.
Listen, I’m not claiming to be Peter Perfect behind the wheel. Everybody screws up or does something dumb. The difference is, do you take a mental beat and think, “that was stupid, better not do it again” or do you rationalize it and roll the dice again? If you do, we have a nice one-finger Jersey wave waiting.
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As a DOT sign on I-195 says, Drive Friendly.
Larry Higgs may be reached at lhiggs@njadvancemedia.com. Follow him on Twitter @commutinglarry. Find NJ.com on Facebook.
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